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Posts Tagged ‘Friendship’

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Have you ever noticed the slow curve on the conversation road when wine and a close friend are driving? As I have commented in a previous post, Old Love Old Story, I rediscovered a manuscript that I wrote twenty years ago and am tinkering with reworking…a look at how women grieve as seen through the eyes of my own divorce after an 18 year marriage, and then twenty years later.

So I was having dinner with a friend the other night, beautiful warm Spring evening. We had found a wonderful little patio at a new wine bar, and ordered our first glass of a subtle Pinot Noir.

Her: “So how is the manuscript going?”
Me: “I’m really excited about having it in front of me again, just getting myself geared up to start on it. It’s so cool to have it again, it will be such a trip to pick up in a ’20 years later’ mode!”

We chatted for a little while, laughing at some of the memories brought up in discussing the manuscript as she was my best friend and mainstay through that difficult time. We ordered our second glass of wine.
Her: “So when do you think you’ll really get started on it, seems like you’re avoiding it.”
Me: “No, just not in a hurry, (pause) I’m just waiting for the right mood, to be in the right frame of mind. There’s so much to think about and I want to get the right angle on where I was and where I’m at now, it’s been such a long time. (pause) I’ll probably start soon though.”

The conversation becomes less jovial, more dramatic, more nostalgic reflecting on both of our divorces and takes on a ‘WTF’ tone as we order our third glass of wine.
Her: “Why do you even want to open that can of worms again?”
Me: “Seriously! What am I thinking?! I should just put it away for another twenty! It’s just a fricking manuscript! What is the point after all? Even if it got published what would that matter? Why do people even bother writing?”

Why do we become so conflicted with our decisions the more we discuss them. Our thought process talks us into and then back out of things. Or is it our mind and heart at odds with each other. Or our fears and confidence sparing over our desires. Or our past experiences arguing with our dreams. OR maybe they are all really the same, because after all, we are a totality of all of those.

We are who we have been, who we are and who we aspire to be, and sometimes all those players have different opinions. And that’s okay. That very conversation within us is what moves us forward. Think about it, if those confounding conversations didn’t occur, how would we evolve meaningfully? And sometimes what opens up those conversations is a relaxed and safe environment, it’s the third glass that takes it into crazy!
Wishing you Peace with the voices in your head!

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